My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
