it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
