I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
