apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
