Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Found your dick twin last night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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