I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize