Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
