Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
