sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
