i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
