If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
