You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Randomize
