I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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