margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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