i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
please come you make the beer taste better
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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