It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
