I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
