i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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