I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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