u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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