Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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