so explain again why im purple
no
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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