I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
