It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
