the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
