Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
