I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
