the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
