Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
