They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
