arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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