yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
