she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
