i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
