Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
