I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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