Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The struggles of a small town man whore
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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