Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
