you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
