This girl is more easily done than said...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
