Im at strip club and am horny
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
