i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
