; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
