She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
