please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
