i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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