im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
