Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found puke in my bra..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
