Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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