Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
