I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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