omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize