Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
