She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sundayâ€
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