I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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