He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
