dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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