So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
