omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
