I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
