I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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